Abscond
by peace4people
Summary: Morgan and Reid are in love and living together but one morning Reid wakes up to find he's left without an explanation. Reid has to deal with life without the one person he needs most. Slash. Talks of mental illness/schizophrenia.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My newest story. The story switches between present day and the past. Each chapter talks about what is going on right now with Reid and then each chapter ends in a flashback of something that relates to what is happening in the present day. Special thanks to all my faithful reviewers and **_**they'recomingtotakemeaway**_** for everything that she does. Enjoy.**

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_Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds._

_-_ _Franklin Roosevelt_

**-Prologue-**

_They were living a good life together – a great one even. It was a happy relationship that anyone would have been jealous of. That's why Spencer Reid was so confused when he woke up one morning to find Derek Morgan gone. He had left in the middle of the night with no explanation. No phone call, no note, no nothing that summarized his sudden departure. He was just gone; he didn't even bother packing his things. Derek Morgan left Spencer Reid all of his belongings. Worse he left Spencer with remarkable memories – they served as a constant, painful reminder of how special their bond once was. He didn't know what happened or what he did wrong but what Spencer did know was that he would do anything to have Derek in his arms one last time._

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**-Present Day-**

Spencer Reid sipped his coffee and tilted back in his chair as he held the newspaper in his other hand. It was Sunday which means half of the newspaper's readers were eight year olds reading the comics and geniuses tearing apart how unrealistic they were. Even at an early age Spencer loved to read the comics and talk about how impractical everything was. His biggest pet peeve was how Garfield could talk. He was a cat for goodness sake. Lasagna would probably kill him.

He flipped the page to the obituaries. It wasn't like death surrounded him enough already but he felt guilty if he didn't. These people were mothers, fathers, friends, cousins, nieces, aunts, children, adults. Their stories deserved to be read at least by one person who didn't know them. There was a knock on his door. Reid set the paper down and walked to his entrance way. He looked through the hole and then opened the door and smiled.

"Hey JJ, what are you doing here?" he asked moving aside so she could walk into his apartment. She looked at him with a surprised expression plastered across her face. "What's wrong?"

"Why are you dressed for work?" JJ asked looking him up and down.

"Because we have to be there in," Reid looked down at his watch, "thirty-two minutes."

"You aren't actually going to work today, are you?" JJ asked as Reid picked up his bag and began to walk outside.

"Of course, why not?" Reid walked past her and waited outside for her to follow so he could lock the door.

"Spence," JJ reached out and grabbed his shoulder, "You and Morgan loved each other and nobody will think any less of you if you take a day or week to recollect. You have been through a lot and…"

"JJ, I'm fine." Reid said reaching out and touching her shoulder gently. She gave him a questioning look, "Honest."

She knew this was a battle she couldn't win. No matter how much good a day off would do Reid he would always refuse to take one.

"At least let me drive you instead of taking the subway." He nodded knowing that it was an even compromise and climbed into the passenger seat. She got into the driver's seat still unsure of taking him into work but figured once they got there maybe Hotch could reason with him.

"Ready?" she asked making sure this was really what he wanted. Reid nodded as if it was just another question. "All right."

"How's Henry doing?" he asked breaking the awkward silence that floated in the atmosphere. He had never enjoyed moments of absolute quietness and was please when Morgan would allow him to keep the television on until he fell asleep.

"Henry's doing great." She said smiling and keeping her eyes on the road. She couldn't bear to look at him; this was all just too strange for her.

"That's good." Reid said awkwardly trying to keep the conversation alive. It didn't work. Every time he would ask JJ a question he was greeted with a one or two word answer. After a long and painful twenty-two minute – Reid timed every second – car ride they arrived at the building.

"Here we go." Said JJ whispering to herself and taking a deep breath before she and Reid walked into the office.

"Reid!" said Emily sounding shocked. She jumped up from her desk and swung her arms around Spencer. "I didn't think you would be here for at least a couple of days."

"It's no big deal that he's gone." It shouldn't be. It hurt him; it killed him but after a weekend of thinking he knew breaking up was something everyone did. He just wished it hadn't been so dramatic and that he at least knew what had gone wrong.

"Reid." A strong voice came from above the group and they all looked up to see Aaron Hotchner starring at them, "I want to see you in my office."

He set his bag down on top of his desk and walked up the small flight of stairs. Aaron and he walked back together and then went into the office.

"Close the door." Aaron said not taking his usual place at the seat behind his desk.

"What's going on? Did I do something wrong?" Reid asked concerned.

"No. I just want to make sure you're doing okay. If you need to take a week off I understand. I had the same talk with Garcia and she's taking five days off."

"Garcia is taking off work for Morgan?" Reid asked a little shocked at how everyone was taking the situation.

"They were best friends; it's only natural that she take some time to herself. Look, when Hailey died I took time off; maybe you should do the same."

"Hotch, Hailey was your ex-wife and she was killed. Morgan and I had only moved in with each other two months ago and he wasn't murdered by some psycho."

"It's just…" Aaron was at a loss for words. He didn't expect Reid to be taking the situation so well.

"Hotch; I'm sure wherever Derek is he's happy, he's in a better place. I'm okay with it. I do wish people would stop bringing it up though." Reid said, "If you don't mind I would really just like to work."

"I won't make you leave but feel free to come to me if you need someone to talk to." Reid nodded and promptly left the office. He saw Emily snap her head back down as if she hadn't been waiting for Hotch's office door to fly open.

"Is it just me or is everyone acting a little crazy around here?" Reid asked sitting down at his desk. Emily looked up from the file she had opened.

"What are you talking about?" she looked confused and Reid didn't know why. He shrugged not wanting to explain his thoughts about how everyone was overreacting.

"I do miss him. It's weird with him not cracking jokes all the time." Emily looked away and Reid could have sworn she was going to cry, "But we've lasted longer without him. He's taken a week off before and we barely missed him. It was actually a nice break."

"Reid, if you ever need to talk about him, I'm a great listener."

"I know Emily, thanks. Everyone keeps offering but I swear I'm doing okay. How are you?" she smiled weakly, nodded and looked back down.

"I'm doing fine." She kept her head down and looked at the file on her desk. He had to admit that the silence was agitating him. There was no Derek Morgan making jokes or laughing on the phone with Garcia. There were no sudden shrieks when Derek would sneak up behind Reid and tickle him. The office was dead quiet but he had lasted without Morgan before and he would have to now.

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**-January 2nd, 2010-**

_It wasn't unusual for it to snow this time of year but Reid, who was already clumsy, found he was constantly slipping and sliding across the entire town._

_"No Morgan?" asked JJ when she saw that Reid had entered the bullpen alone. The two had been arriving together long before they were an actual couple but since they had become "an item" it was rare that you ever saw the two separated. He unwrapped his scarf as he suddenly felt the heater kicking on and then shook his head to answer her question._

_"He was feeling a bit under the weather today so I told him to stay home." Reid threw his bag and scarf onto his desk and slid the gloves off of his hands. It was going to be a long day. He always felt achy in the cold weather. When it snowed Reid swore he could feel every injury he sustained in life._

_"Where's my mocha latte with foam?" asked Garcia rushing into the room._

_"There's coffee being brewed right now but I don't think it's a latte." Prentiss said pointing towards the break room._

_"She wants to know where Morgan is, it's her new nickname for him." Reid laughed; Emily chuckled as well._

_"Where is he Mr. Vanilla Bean Frappuccino?" she asked turning towards Reid._

_"Garcia, you shouldn't take all your nicknames from a Starbucks menu." JJ laughed._

_"They fit everyone perfectly." Garcia said quickly hushing everyone's laughter, "Now where is he?"_

_"He has a cold, he'll be back tomorrow." Said Reid drinking the scolding coffee from the mug he had brought from home._

_"I need to talk to him now." She whined and stomped her feet like an angry kid._

_"Why?" asked Emily curious._

_"No reason." Garcia said too quickly before rushing out of the room._

_"What's up with her?" JJ asked with an eyebrow raised._

_"I don't know and according to Morgan I know everything." Reid joked and sipped his drink again. He started typing on his computer. It was a tedious day but there hadn't been any serious cases yet so the team had nowhere to go. Although happy that he didn't have to travel without him, a part of Reid wished they had some place to go so he didn't just sit at the desk all day. The stagnant movement caused him to think about Morgan's absence every second._

_Six o'clock hadn't come soon enough. Reid jumped up and ran outside to his car. He almost fell several times but managed to make it safely to his vehicle on both feet. Once inside he cranked up the heater and pulled out his phone._

_A sneeze answered on the other line._

_"I'm bringing home chicken noodle soup, Gatorade, Puffs tissues and Jell-O, how does that sound?" Reid smiled as he began to pull out of the parking lot._

_"Soubs pretty great." Morgan said congested, "Thankboo Bried."_

_"You're welcome. See you in thirty." Reid hung up the phone and smiled. He always forgot how lucky he was. It was a long day without Morgan but he would be back the next day and Reid had that to look forward to._

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**A/N: What do you think so far? Would you like to see it continued?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hope you enjoy the new chapter. : )**

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_Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell. _

_-Edna St. Vincent Millay_

**-Present Day-**

Everyday life without Morgan seemed to be increasingly more normal. There were still nights when Reid would wake up thinking that Derek was lying next to him only to find that the space was empty. Reid had always been a light sleeper but for some reason when Morgan was asleep next to him Reid found that he could sleep through anything. Since Derek left he would wake up if a single drop of rain hit his window.

"Hey Clooney." Reid said as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached out to pet the dog. Just one more thing Morgan left him to deal with. It's not like he actually cared about watching after the dog. Clooney seemed to understand Reid almost as much as Morgan himself did. While most dogs would bark at Reid, Clooney would always sit quietly and rest his head on Reid's lap. The dog barked, panted and ran around in a few circles.

"Want to go for a walk?" Reid asked knowing that Clooney always moved like that when he wanted to exercise. At the word _walk_ he jumped up and liked Reid's face.

"Alight, I'll go get your leash." Reid smiled and walked over to the drawer where they – _he_ – kept the supplies for the dog. When he had clipped on the leash he and the dog casually walked out the door. For such a large, high energy dog he seemed to know that Reid wasn't athletic. When Morgan walked Clooney they would sprint; Reid and he slowly meandered.

After the first ten minutes it quickly occurred to Reid that he had neither eaten nor drank anything yet that morning. When his stomach became unbearably loud he decided that maybe he should stop by the coffee shop on the corner of the street to grab a quick breakfast.

"Clooney, will you be okay if I tie you up outside?" Reid asked and then smiled when he remembered something Morgan had told him months earlier; anyone can talk to a dog and look completely sane – as long as they know the dog won't actually answer them back. Reid petted him on the head, tied his leash around a pole outside and then went into the shop.

"Good morning." A cheerful teenager greeted. That's why he never went to chain coffee shops, they employees were never happy but at local places they always seemed so happy.

"Hey." Reid smiled back.

"What can I get you today?" She said her smile still displayed across her face.

"Can I have a plain coffee and muffin?"

"What kind?" she asked and Reid bent down to gaze at their selection.

"Blueberry. Did you know that blueberries are believed to prevent cancer, heart disease, and Alzheimer's, Native American's use them in many of their medicines for coughs as well?"

"I didn't know that." She said smiling and giggling at his random fact, "But that is very interesting."

"They also help eyesight." The girl smiled again and Reid enjoyed the small interaction. He hadn't made someone smile since Morgan had left. "Blueberries are also…do you hear that?" A loud howling interrupted him. Reid whipped around to see Clooney jumping and yelping at something that was across the street.

"Excuse me." Reid said before running out the door to see what was bothering him. When he reached the dog he stroked his head but the dog continued to jump, "Hey Clooney, what's wrong?"

After realizing the dog wouldn't calm down Spencer tried to see what had aroused him. He followed Clooney's eye of sight until he saw what the dog had been eagerly barking at. Derek Morgan. Reid jumped up from where he was kneeling next to the dog.

"Derek?" he yelled across the street. It was him, he was positive, that had to be him. There was no answer, no acknowledgment.

"Derek?" he called again this time louder than the time before. "Can we please just talk about this?" Morgan looked at him from across the street but didn't say anything. Then, as if Reid wasn't even trying to talk to him, Morgan got onto his motorcycle and sped off.

"Wait!" Reid shouted but he knew nothing was going to be audible over the roar of his machine. Clooney let out one last bark but then settled back down as if nothing had ever happened. Reid let out a giant cry and then tried to recollect himself before reentering the shop.

"Sorry about that." He said opening the door and walking back in. The worker at the front had a distressed look on her face. The coffee and muffin were waiting on the counter for him.

"Thank you sir, have a nice day." She seemed sincere but years of profiling led Reid to believe that something was bothering her. A boyfriend maybe? No, that was his problem. He decided not to pry and left without saying another word. On the way home Reid pulled out his cellphone. He searched through it until he found the name he wanted, and then he began to type. _I don't know what I did to make you leave so quickly but we can work through this, I promise. Love you till the end of time!_ He waited for the screen to say "message sent," before continuing to walk home.

* * *

**-January 4th, 2010-**

_Reid was having a bad day. Awful was more like it. At five o'clock he had woken up with the worse headache of his life. Water and aspirin usually helped, but those were at least twenty feet away and he really didn't feel like moving. After ten minutes of lying in bed and realizing this headache wasn't one he could will away Reid finally decided to get up. He groaned, rolled over and threw the hand that was draped over him off of his body._

_"What's going on?" Morgan asked jumping up in bed at the sudden motion._

_"I'm getting aspirin." Reid moaned; Morgan slid his eye shades away so he could see what was going on. "And water. Are you feeling better?"_

_"Yeah, much better. Just like you said two days of rest and that cold was gone. Do you need help?" Morgan asked as he watched Reid stumble towards the door._

_"I don't want to open my eyes because the light is too bright, I'm trying to navigate with them closed." His hands were stretched out in front of him. Morgan laughed as he saw Reid reaching for the bathroom door._

_"Wrong way Pretty Boy, come back to bed, I'll go get it for you." Reid smiled lightly and happily climbed back into the cozy bed while Morgan got up and left the room. After a minute or two Morgan walked back into the bedroom and handed Reid two pills and a glass with cold water._

_"Thanks." Reid mumbled as he swallowed them, his eyes still shut._

_"Anytime." Morgan said as he leaned down to kiss the young genius' forehead. When his lips touched the skin he lingered for a few before pulling away, "You feel a little warm. Is it just a headache that's bothering you?"_

_Reid nodded indolently and before Morgan could ask him anything else Reid had drifted back into a solid slumber. Derek climbed back into bed, turned off the lamp and also fell back asleep._

_"Shit." Reid yelled jumping up in bed and turning on the light, "What was yesterday?"_

_"The third." Asked Morgan sitting up quickly as well._

_"Oh no. Are you serious?" Reid asked as panic filled his voice._

_"Yeah, what's up?"_

_"I didn't call her."_

_"Call who?" Morgan asked not understanding what was going on._

_"My mom. January third is the day my dad left and I always call her just to make sure she's doing okay." Reid got up and started pacing the room._

_"Just come back to bed, you can't do anything about it now." Reid sighed; Morgan was right. This would have to wait until morning. So Reid climbed back into bed for the second time that night and once again drifted back into a deep sleep._

_At seven o'clock Reid got out of bed and started getting ready for work. The headache had returned and he groaned inwardly not wanting to draw attention to his ailment. At half past eight he and Morgan left the house but had to double back when Spencer realized he had left his bag on the kitchen table. The trip took them an extra thirty minutes causing them both to be late. When they finally did arrive they were immediately called into the conference room – coffee would have to wait._

_After being briefed on a new case the team was given two hours to prepare. Reid took his time to grab some office coffee. Of course, because today just was going to be difficult, Reid spilt the coffee not only on his hand but on his shirt too._

_"Agent Reid, please try and wear clean clothes to work next time." Strauss said as she walked past the boy. No, today wasn't his day._

_Then a couple hours later Reid found himself on a plane with a sickening sore feeling in his throat. His neck felt stiff and it hurt no matter which way he laid._

_"You okay there?" asked Morgan noticing his discomfort._

_"Yeah, fine." Reid brushed him off and rolled again on the couch. Still he wasn't able to get comfortable._

_"Reid, what's the snow like this time of year in Arizona?" Rossi asked._

_"Depends on where." Reid said turning to face him. He tried to hide a wince as he adjusted his body._

_"Phoenix."_

_"Nonexistent." Said Reid as he closed his eyes._

_"Let's review…case, I want…Morgan…" Hotch began to speak but Reid found himself falling in and out of consciousness and unsure of what his boss was saying. Before he knew it he was completely under._

_"Reid." A voice startled him awake and he jolted upright and looked around the cabin. Everyone was staring at him. "Reid, it would be really great if everyone on this team participated on this profile instead of using their paid time to take a nap."_

_Hotchner's harsh words frightened Reid but he knew that his superior was right. He shouldn't be sleeping right not but he found it hard to stay awake. Still getting yelled at by Hotch was one of his least favorite things and he decided that he could push through it, if nothing else because he didn't want to get yelled at again. Everyone had gone back to looking at the file except Morgan who remained looking at Reid._

What's wrong? _Derek mouthed._

Nothing, headache._ Reid mouthed back and pointed to his forehead. Derek got up and moved over to the couch and sat next to Reid. Nobody seemed to notice or care. Morgan took out the legal bad he was given for the case and scribbled something down and then nudged Reid. He got the hint and then casually dropped his head to look. _Do you have a stiff neck along with the headache?

_Reid nodded and then Morgan wrote something else down_. Same way my cold started, we probably shouldn't have made out.

_Reid took out a pen and wrote something back. _Take it back, I don't want it. _Morgan smiled and reached his hand out until it gently intertwined with Reid's._

_Just when Reid thought his day was looking up it took a turn for the worse when he finally got a chance to call his mother. Diana spent ten minutes yelling at him about the importance of family and responsibilities before she practically hung up on him. He felt like crying, he just wanted the day to be over. His phone vibrated in his hands and he looked down to see what the screen said. _One new message – Derek Morgan.

Some days just suck but things will get better soon. Tonight we can go back to my room and talk. Love you till the end of time!

_That last sentence was something new. Morgan had never said it to him before in message or in person but he liked it – he loved it. It quickly became the thing they said to each other at the end of every goodbye, goodnight and phone call. It was their perfect way of knowing the other always loved him no matter what._

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**A/N: Thoughts? Suggestions? : ) Review if you get a chance, I love the feedback.**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is a fairly short chapter compared to the first two but I hope you enjoy it just the same.

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_And none will hear the postman's knock_

_Without a quickening of the heart._

_For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?_

_-W.H. Auden_

**-Present Day-**

The team quickly grew weary of Reid's behavior and had created an unspoken arrangement where someone would drive him home every other night. It wasn't that they didn't trust him or that they thought he would do something crazy it was just that they knew he was hurting and having a hard time dealing with everything. Tonight it was JJ's turn to take him home.

"What's this?" asked JJ picking up a pile of letters from the counter. They all seemed to be addressed to the same person.

"It's the mail." Reid stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Reid, these are all addressed to Derek Morgan, why are you keeping them?" she thumbed her way through the entire stack. There had to be at least thirty letters in her hands, all of them sat collecting dust waiting for their recipient to come home and read them.

"I want them here for when he comes back. I would appreciate it if you didn't touch them." Reid said trying to grab the letters back but JJ shifted her body so he couldn't reach her.

"There's one that's addressed to 'The Family of Derek Morgan' why don't you open that one? You were his family." Said JJ putting the letter on the counter for Reid to open. He wanted to tell her how family doesn't abandon family and that they night he walked out their family had ended but he couldn't allow himself to put his heart out on the line. Instead he told her another, less important, reason he hadn't wanted to open it.

"I called his mother and told her that Derek had left me, I asked if she wanted me to forward that to her but she just hung up on me." Reid admitted and let his finger caress the side of the envelope.

"Reid…" JJ began but Spencer was getting angry and thrust the letter back at her which caused her to become speechless. When she didn't reach out to accept it Reid placed the envelope on the counter and turned his back. He didn't want to look at her, he needed to calm down first. For a moment she was embarrassed and stood silently but finally a wave of emotion overtook her and she grabbed the letter off the counter and tore it open. At the sound of paper ripping Reid turned his body around and watched in shock as JJ scanned the contents.

"JJ, what are you doing?" he screamed as he hurled himself at her trying to grasp the note she was reading.

"Look at this!" She tried to shove the letter in his face but he turned his head and closed his eyes. His wavy brown hair danced into his face and served as an extra barrier between him and reality.

"No, it's not for me." He said shielding his face, "When I send that to his mother I'm going to have to explain why it's open…"

"Don't you get it, Reid?" he paused and waited, "Morgan isn't coming back." The blow was hard and hurt more than he expected. He physically winced when the words slithered out of her mouth.

"He is." Reid tried to stammer out but tears overwhelmed him and he just wanted to break down crying. A single thought prevented him from doing so and he decided to share what had happened the other day, "I saw him."

"What?" JJ looked just as shocked as Reid was when he saw Morgan across the street from the coffee shop. She opened her mouth to say something else but then closed it when she couldn't think of the right words.

"He was across the street. Clooney was going crazy and wouldn't stop barking. I went out there and then I saw him."

"You saw someone who looked like him."

"JJ, I saw Derek." He knew that she didn't believe him so he continued talking, "There is no doubt in my mind that the person I saw was Derek Morgan."

She let out a giant sigh before she began to speak, "Sometimes we see the things we want to see but they aren't actually there. You wanted to see him so you did. The person just looked like him, it would be impossible for it to be him and you know it."

"You don't know what you're talking about. It was him." Reid could feel his temper rising and he was trying his best not to lose it.

"Reid, this has gone on for too long…Derek isn't coming back. You need to realize that…"

"And you need to go." He couldn't look at her in the eyes; Derek was going to come back. She had no idea what she was talking about. "I would appreciate it if you didn't come back to my home."

"Reid, I'm so sorry for everything." She placed a loving hand on his should and he shook it off, "I miss you." She solemnly added before walking out his door.

* * *

**-April 1****st****-**

"_Are you sure about this?" Reid asked as he sat down at the table with two coffees in his hands. Morgan looked up from the paper and a crooked grin spread across his face._

"_Pretty Boy, for the last time I am positive this is what I want to do. How many times are you going to ask?" he joked and Reid let a smile escape onto his face._

"_I've asked you four times in the last hour, so probably eight more times before we go to bed." Morgan laughed; leave it to Spencer to calculate the exact amount of times he would do something. He noticed the chuckle and felt nervous—had he done something wrong? "What are you laughing at?"_

"_You. It's just you're so…perfect." Reid bent his head down while he blushed. When the heat had disappeared he looked back up to see Derek working on the forms._

"_Are you absolutely sure this is something you want to do?" asked Spencer as he watched the graceful movement of Derek's hand._

"_Reid, you got three more times to ask me before I kick your ass – I want this more than anything. It makes everything seem official. I want that, do you?" Reid nodded quickly, nothing would make him happier. "Good, let me finish this and then we can head out for work."_

_Reid got up and started moving things around in the kitchen. Mindlessly washing cups and plates in an attempt to get his mind off of what Derek was doing not four feet away from him. As he finished and turned off the water he tentatively spoke._

"_I just want to make sure this is exactly what you want to do." Morgan let the pen drop out of his hands and he looked over at Reid slightly exasperated. "I'm sorry, I'll stop asking."_

"_Really? I doubt that." Morgan wanted to be angry that Spencer was interrupting him but he couldn't get himself to be upset. He loved him. That's why he was doing this in the first place._

"_I just don't want this to be a mistake, you know?" Reid sat back down and Morgan reached out for his hand._

"_Listen to me, this isn't a mistake. I love you; you love me – it makes sense that we do this. I've practically been living here for the last two months. We're just making it a little more official. This is precisely what I want." Reid nodded and let Morgan place a soft kiss on his forehead. Once again Spencer felt his cheeks burn. "It's cute when you blush."_

"_It's cute when you…" Spencer tried to think, he had never been good at flirting, "do anything." Derek smiled and kissed Reid again._

"_I love you." He mumbled._

"_Ditto." Derek said._

"_Nice Ghost reference. You're lucky I remember movie quotes or you would just seem like a total jerk for saying that. Worse than when Han Solo said 'I know' after Leia said 'I love you.' Did you know that Harrison Ford completely improved that line?" Morgan shook his head no and Reid excitedly told him the entire story of how Ford was getting tired of all the retakes and just was bored so he added that line in. _

_When Reid finally stopped talking and went to grab his bag Morgan was able to sign on the last section of the paperwork. He smiled and slipped the form into an envelope. He would take it to the post office on their way into work._

_A few weeks later a letter came for Derek Morgan announcing that his change of address was received and all mail would be forwarded to the residence of Spencer Reid. _

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**A/N: Ta-Da! : ) Review please. : )**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Update. Yay!**

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_I live not in dreams but in contemplation of a reality that is perhaps the future._

_-Rainer Maria Rilke_

**-Present Day-**

Time continued to move, that was the weirdest part for Spencer Reid. Everyone continued living their lives but he felt completely empty – lost. Every day they received hundreds of new cases, people didn't stop killing because Derek Morgan left the Bureau. No, nothing changed. Everything went on but Reid didn't want it to. He wished everything would just pause so he could figure it all out. The moment he thought he might be over everything there would be one small incident that sent him spiraling back down.

It was obvious to Reid that everyone was growing increasingly concerned about him since he had kicked JJ out. Several times a day Hotch would call Reid into his office to "talk." He would never bring up the subject of Derek; in fact they seldom spent time talking about Reid's life. Typically Aaron would occupy the hour by discussing a school project Jack had or another type of adventure his son had been working on. Emily would usually take Reid out for lunch and Rossi had gotten into the habit of driving Spencer to and from work. That's why it came as no surprise to Reid when there was a knock on his door at eight o'clock in the morning.

He slowly grabbed his bag off the chair it was sitting on and the shuffled sluggishly to the front door. When he opened it he wasn't looking at Rossi, the face he saw came at such a shock that his bag dropped to the floor creating a loud _bang_.

"What are you doing here?" Reid was unable to move, he just stared flabbergasted. It was a miracle that he was even able to speak.

"Hotch called." The person answered smiling sweetly.

"Of course he did." Reid spoke satirically as he internally cursed his boss.

"He's worried about you – the entire team is worried about you." Reid didn't know if he was happy to see the guest or disappointed Aaron had called him. He was slightly embarrassed actually.

"I don't need your help Gideon." The words were spoken before he even knew what he was saying.

"Let me come in, you and I can talk about everything." It was if he hadn't even heard Reid's sharp words. Nodding, Reid held open the door and stepped to one side allowing Gideon entrance into his house.

"So…." Reid began as he sat down at the table, "how have you been?"

"I've been good. I miss the BAU and our team every day but I know I made the right choice." This was too weird. It was all just too bazaar to him.

"You couldn't have told me you were leaving in person?" Reid wanted to cry but he sucked it up. Seeing Gideon again was almost too much for his heart to handle at this point.

"I was afraid that if I saw you I might change my mind and stay." Silence filled the room while both men tried to think of what to say net. It was Reid who spoke next.

"You owe me a game of chess." Gideon smiled his cheerful grin and for a moment everything felt ordinary.

"I suppose I do." He said half laughing but then his face became very serious, "We still need to discuss Derek." Reid winced at the name. He had almost allowed himself to forget for a moment.

"I want things to go back to normal, when it was easy. You can come back and someone can find Morgan and convince him to return as well." Reid smiled sweetly at the thought of them all being back together.

"What are you talking about?" he asked giving him an odd look.

"I just want to be a family again." Gideon nodded understanding.

"You have a family and they're all trying to help you. I know what it's like to lose someone you love. Frank killed a person who was very special to me. I understand exactly what you're going through. How confusing everything is, I get it all."

"Gideon, I appreciate your words but you can't understand what this is like." Nobody could understand what it was like to go to sleep next to the person you love and then wake up with them gone. Erased completely.

"Why?" he looked slightly taken aback by the boy's words.

"Morgan can come back." He looked straight into Gideon's eyes and swore he saw them become foggy with tears. He must have been jealous that Reid hadn't completely lost someone.

"Why do you think that?" Gideon asked clearing his throat.

"I saw him a few days ago. At a coffee shop, we looked at each other and it was obvious what he wanted. He wants to come back. I know he does." Gideon ducked his head down. Casually one hand reached up and brushed something from his cheek.

"I have to go." Gideon got up and walked himself to the door, "I'll call you about that game. It was good seeing you kid."

Spencer Reid watched as Gideon walked out on his life for the second time. The retired agent never looked back and Reid never had a chance to see his red rimmed eyes as they finally gave way to the tears he had been holding back.

* * *

**-May 2****nd****, 2010-**

"I don't get it." Morgan said jumping over the back of the couch and plopping down next to Reid. He had a Twix bar in one hand and a beer in the other.

"What don't you get? And I wish you wouldn't do that."

"Do what?" asked Morgan setting the drink down on the wood table and propping his feet up. Reid took a coaster and placed it underneath the beverage.

"Jump around. This furniture is twice your age – it's practically an antique. If you spend every second jumping over it eventually something is going to break."

"It's not going to break." Morgan said flatly as he rolled his eyes at Spencer. Then his demeanor suddenly changed, "Do you want some chocolate?"

"Like a bite of your Twix?" Reid raised one eyebrow as he looked down at the candy bar.

"You can call it whatever you want." Morgan winked and wrapped his arms around Reid.

"Are you trying to flirt with me to get out of being scolded? It's not going…" he laughed as Morgan began to kiss up and down the side of his neck, "Stop it. That tickles."

"That's the point, I like hearing your laugh."

"Men are more ticklish than women. Stop it. Seriously." He laughed loudly as he tried to keep a straight face.

"Nope, not until you give me permission to jump over the couch. Really you're lucky the guy you're dating can move like James Bond."

"Ancient Romans used tickling as a form of torture." Reid continued to laugh as Morgan knocked him down and now had resorted to tickling his feet. Kissing would wait. He pulled off Reid's shoes and looked at his feet.

"Brown striped sock or black sock with yellow tips?" asked Morgan contemplating his choices. He decided to go for the left foot and stripped off his the black and yellow one. He began to tickle it but then stopped abruptly.

"What the hell?" Morgan asked getting off of Reid. The bottom of Reid's foot seemed to be bruised.

"It's from Georgia. I'm either always wearing socks or the lights are off, I guess you've just never seen it before."

"Are you okay? I mean what is it?" Morgan asked examining it closer.

"Perfectly fine. It's simply a form of muscle trauma from the beatings." Reid swallowed hard as his mind began to flash to that time.

"I was so scared. I kept thinking that if you never got out of there I would never get the chance to tell you how I felt. I was so thankful when we found you in the graveyard." The mood had quickly shifted. The room that a short while ago was filled with laughter suddenly felt worn out, heavy and thick. "What worries me the most is that it could happen again. Not Tobias but anyone. Anyone could be our next crazy UnSub that takes one of us. Every single day we are at risk of dying. We are vulnerable and exposed to some of the most twisted people alive. Gideon's girlfriend was killed by one. What if that had been you or I?"

"Don't say things like that." Reid drew his legs to his chest and held his head in his hands. He didn't want to think about death.

"I'm sorry Reid but it's something we need to discuss."

"Never leave me. Don't let one of them kill you. That's all there is to it."

"You really don't want to talk about this?" Morgan would drop it if Reid wanted him to. He would do anything if Reid wanted him to.

"Yes, I really don't want to. Please. If we say it out loud it might become true."

"Alright." There was a moment of silence and then Morgan smiled, "So how about the Twix bar?"

* * *

**A/N: What did y'all think? : )**


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